Testosterone Boy, and Harlequin Girls.

2007-04-28T14:21:00.000+08:00

Okay.
This blog is finally working, but I am at livejournal now.
thewarpedheart.livejournal.com
all entries are friends-only.
add me and see if i consider you as a friend!
:D

2007-03-23T00:40:00.000+08:00

IT'S FRIDAY.
icanseemtobreatheandipressedbackspacefortheumpteenthtimebecauseifelttheentrywasjustplainstupidandididntknowwhattosayforonceinmydamnlife.
imissmycarefreedaysaandschoolisdrivingmenutsandsoissomething-sointriguingyetsoirritating;maybeimjustgoingnutsslowly.
okaygoodnightfuckersihatesrjc.

2007-03-20T21:43:00.000+08:00

Hyperbolas.
Shakespeare.
Ze Cold War.
King Lear.
Stalin.
Macbeth.
Horizontal Asymptotes.
Market economy.
Demand curve.
Supply curve.

SIAO BOH!!!!!!!!!!!
For someone who eats so much, I eat only one and a half meals a day; sometimes only half a meal.
Stressed when school has just started!
For the first time, I'm reading up online about stuff; eg. Literature.
URGH ARGH GRRRRR.
All that King Lear whatever.
Lectures are going at amazing speeds I cannot catch my breath.
I have to admit; I sort of miss poly.
BUT, at least this is more interesting that that shithole.
So....
Good day and fuck off.

2007-03-15T18:02:00.000+08:00

fucking pissed.
and why do i even care.
i dont know if you're stupid or just plain retarded.
your stupidity is so irritating and exasperating i wonder if you need a teacher for the mentally impaired as your partner.
i think i shall stop caring from now on.
you can go smoke.
fuck other people.
take ten thousand laxatives.
ride your stupid bike.
do whatever you want.
i dont give a shit anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
fuck you.

2007-03-15T13:58:00.000+08:00

Horror of horrors.
I have become one of those sweaty schoolchildren on public transport in PE attire.
Geez.
I have become fearful of brushing against people; in case I become one of those sweaty, sticky, disgusting kids.
I feel weird with my classmates.
Maybe its some mental barrier; or maybe childish me finds their chatter really childish.
Or maybe I'm not in the mood.
I'm sticky and disgusting now as I type this; am off to a shower, and maybe fetch the stupid missy.
:Dv

2007-03-13T11:36:00.000+08:00

H2 Economics, Literature(English), History.
H1 Math.

My original choice was H2 Lit, Hist, and Math; H1 Chem.
Oh well; I sacrificed Math and Chem for Lit because of timetable constraints.
So there goes one A already.
Oh well; psychology isn't very hard to get in anyways.

2007-03-12T00:05:00.000+08:00

Hopes and fears.
I have randomly clicked "try again" in my iTunes, both by different artistes.
And my imagination is running wild again.
The results for my subject combination is coming out soon.
Seeing as all my choices are wildcard choices; I really cannot do anything without thinking about it.
And yes; JC is VERY stressful, without even starting lessons yet.
Even in full air-conditioning, without much movement, I'm getting sweaty palms and feet just thinking about it.
And in the end, it all boils down to crappy results.
Yes, the world is my oyster; only if I have money and/or good results.

2007-03-10T23:17:00.000+08:00

The dragons are dragging me down everyday.
I see red ever so often.
These dragon spells leave me so tired.
So tired.
Everyday we battle those inner demons.
When can we kill them once and for all?
But then again; what is life, without them?

2007-03-08T19:09:00.000+08:00

I can't do this alone.

This education, this illness, this whole shit.
My first day was a fucking disaster, and tight-arses were swarming around me.
Even for a glutton like me, SRJC has the worst canteen ever.
The sheer tinyness of the canteen, makes it look like a primary school canteen; and how the fuck can it possibly cater to this year's "bumper harvest"?

And second day....
Diarrhea, vomiting, and who knows what.

I feel like giving up.
Really.

I would rather have diarrhea every day; than to go to that fucked up school, and suffer.

Later.

2007-03-04T07:15:00.000+08:00

Take away.........................
my life.
my money.
my love.
my loves.
me.

And I am spiralling into this abyss of darkness.
I haven't been myself for the longest time.
Enough.

2007-03-03T14:07:00.000+08:00

I think about your face
And how I fall into your eyes
The outline that I trace
Around the one that I call mine.


After seeing something, I am extremely pissed off right now.
CB.

2007-02-28T20:44:00.001+08:00

as
I got my first tattoo today with Sharmaine.
It was an impromtu decision, and like they say, if you want to do one, you shouldn't think too much.
Doing it was a bitch, and I was delirious with pain.
Urgh.
In case you can't read Chinese, this means strength.
And 5 more tattoos, and I'll be what I always dreamed of being.
Jo - now for you, to find me a painkiller, that is actually STRONG.
HAHA.

2007-02-26T09:25:00.000+08:00

Paranoia strikes me, over my momo finding out.
Have you ever wondered though I proclaim myself crooked; my blog profile says I swing both ways?
It is to save my ass in case this blog ever gets found.
That's how paranoid I am.
Yes, but for security purposes, and I admit, I have been lax lately.
I mght stop blogging here now.
Maybe for mundane issues yes, but for my other issues, like sexuality, and other issues, please refer to my other blog(s).

PS: You do realise this entry is such a contradiction do you.

2007-02-24T02:43:00.000+08:00

I feel nauseous at the thought of school encroaching in two weeks.
Urgh.
TWO people are pissing me off; both from SAYONI.
Knn.
Push me a wee bit more, I'll show you pure unadulterated unreasonable RAGE.
Fuck me off once more, and you fucking unleash my wrath.
Cheebye.
You think I'm a pushover because of my age?
Fuck off and die.
Fuck civility.
I can be as hostile as I want.
Bah.

2007-02-20T15:21:00.000+08:00

urgh.

me and you.

2007-02-19T02:26:00.000+08:00

Enter, my world
To brighten it.
Enter, my secret boudoir
To push me to my limits.

Cover, my eyes
To make them close.
Cover, my body
With petals of a rose.

Touch, my heart
To love me.
Touch, my body
To make me feel ecstasy.

Watch, my every movement
So I know you're there.
Watch, my teeth
Before I sink them into you.

I love you.

the way i like it.

2007-02-14T00:30:00.000+08:00

Let's all end relationships with a sudden burst of random; very consuming rage, exacerbated by the return of someone else.
Sometimes self-destruction is so gratifying and orgasmic; then I know I will hit the dumps fast and hard; and then sink deeper into depression and self-hate.
Someone heal me; please.
Before pride, rage, impatience, and impetuosity take over and turn me into someone I don't know at all.
The rage makes my heart beat so fast it almost feels good.
My hands shiver in feverish rage.

I woke up this morning and knew
That the world would test me come unglued
Is it me or do you feel my pain
This world makes my blood boil again

You rip the heart out of me
You rip the heart out of me
You make it look easy

2007-02-12T15:03:00.000+08:00

Woo.
Straw bags are so sexy.

And so are STRINGS.
HAHAHA.

It's so amusing for a starfish to explore for once.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Eh seriously I dunno what the fuck is wrong with me.
One moment I'm damn emo, and then I'm super uber hairpee.
:D

2007-02-11T01:49:00.000+08:00

One more step and I'll probably safely get a place in a school in like 3 weeks time?
A weird plethora of feelings are just overwhelming me.
OMG I fucking hate school.
Two years of commitment and school uniforms and tests and crappy canteen food and tying my hair up.
Urgh this sucks big time.
My first choice is a school whose uniform I hated since I was a kid.
Choices choices choices!
Fate!
This is such a headache.
My kidneys have been hurting like nuts lately.

Paranoia strikes.

2007-02-09T23:32:00.000+08:00

My mind is running wild as a horse.
Suddenly I don't feel like going to school.
~~school~~
I'm so tired.
And paranoid.
And guilty.

And guilty.

du.
du hast.
du hast mich.

2007-02-09T01:25:00.000+08:00

Someone got me another bottle of Absolut to add to my collection.
<333
I think the previously insatiable desire is coming back.
I don't know if it's a good thing, or not, not that I really care.
So yeah.
Will be very busy lately.
And I'm fucking tired.
So fuck off and die.
I heart GAP shirts, Zara pants, and Joanne.
<333

today.

2007-02-08T00:43:00.000+08:00

I am so in love with shirts from THE GAP.
You know, when I was sitting at McCrapCafe, I thought I knew what I wanted to blog; light-hearted, and cheeky.
Now, I'm slightly, slightly floaty.
Nothing is going through my mind, but SIX nipples, 2 natural, 4 man made, and digestive biscuits from M&S.
Okay.
I need to pee.

2007-02-05T18:03:00.000+08:00

Hot water thunders on my back as I squat and bury my face into myself; and the insides squirm in discomfort as I watch the blood and globs of red jelly flow out.

I hate being female sometimes.
I'm trembling and the headache and the fucking cramps just get fucking worse by the minute.
For the first time in my life, I'm drinking warm water voluntarily.
Everything is a blur, and I wonder why I haven't ripped my womb out yet.
Oh I forgot; because I haven't got the fucking guts to.

2007-02-04T22:20:00.000+08:00

RIVER ISLAND IS OPEN!
Gosh I love their clothes!
It's at Vivo city btw.
Today's haul.
Skinny Jeans(River Island) : 129SGD
Brown tee : 69SGD 4 Books: 100+ SGD
Woo I had Tung Lok today.
:D
French pastry+foie gras+chicken breast+duck skin.
Whoa.
:Dv

Friday night.

2007-02-04T12:42:00.000+08:00

As usual, I got drunk, and did/said dumb things.
Something happened, and I'm still shocked.
So I'll think about it another time.
Dad is suspecting about my sexuality.
WTF.

K Sharmaine's real bday is tmr, but I won't wish you Hairpee Birfday since you already had one.
Haha.
I realized I forgot to give you my prezzie.
Damn alcohol.
Will give you when we finally watch our half-price movie.
*hugs*

Sometimes limits make us lose chances.
I think it's destined.
Sigh.
As of today, I really officially give up on you, and us.
I think it's TIME that's killing us, and my refusal to even sms you.
If I were to have someone, I think I want someone who can meet me at least thrice a week, and not have other damned commitments.
I think last night, I got my/our closure.
Have a happy life.
Nuf said.

Kay.
I'm off to shower and meet Mom for lunch at VivoCity.
Let's hope we buy more tshirts!
:D

PS: Hahahaha. Jesse I can't wait for you to come to Singapore and drink coffee with you.
Haha! I'm not sure if I can take listening to an American accent for an afternoon!
=P

2007-02-01T20:04:00.000+08:00

BU ZUI BU GUI.
HAPPY 17th BDAY SHARMAINE.
I LUB EUU DEEP DEEP.
HAHAHAHAAHHAHA.

Ok let's pray hard I don't get bounced out tomorrow night.
And IF I do, then back home to cheong L word.
:D
And IF I don't, then it's forgetting every silly thing I do, and hope I don't puke.
HAHAHA.
Oh well.
And thank you jojo for letting me drag you around.
HAHAHAHAHA.

Damn being 8 months away from 18 is harder than I thought.

- - - - -

2007-01-31T13:09:00.000+08:00

I've never been so broke before in my entire life.
Looks like I MIGHT have to get pocket money from Dad early.
:(
I hate asking for money early because it shows how irresponsible I am with money.
Pfffffffft.

I think period's coming; which SUCKS.

I think I will get bounced out on Friday.
:(

I wonder why the fuck you are reading this.
This journal of mundane, battered hopes, and stumbling blocks of my fears within.
I no longer feel like this blog is my best friend.
I can't say what I really want to, because too many people read it.

I hate talking to people.
I hate disturbing people.
I hate imposing.

Suddenly a reverse bungee or a bungee jump; sounds very inviting.

absolut chio-ness.

2007-01-30T13:01:00.000+08:00

And here goes my collection of all absolut vodka flavors.
I present my virgin two one-litre bottles of ruby red and peach.
I promise my collection will be ASTRONOMICAL by the time i reach 2010.
If you happen to go overseas, and don't buy a bottle of one litre absolut back for me , I hereby disown you as my friend.
I can't wait to go CHINA this year zomg, because I can buy more bottles!
Wahahahahahaha.
The irony of someone who passes out after one shot; collecting unopened vodka in different flavors.
So yeah, those who can't drink, collect.
:)

2007-01-27T07:44:00.000+08:00

setting.

2007-01-27T01:03:00.000+08:00

And depression sinks in like a familiar face; deeply etched into my mind's eye.

confession time.

2007-01-26T07:52:00.000+08:00

K a weird plethora of feelings are washing over me.

WOO ALEX IS COMING TO SG ON TRANSIT FROM NEW ZEALAND!
MY AGONY AUNT IS COMING BACK!
HAHAHAHHA.
For 20 hours only though.
:(

HAHA.
SOMEONE LOOKS nice in a skirt!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAA.

I so need to go jb right now.

I so need some Sushi Tei.

:(

And I don't know why, but my mind is going nuts thinking of things I shouldn't even be thinking of.
Is this retribution?

Anyone up for sashimi?

I can't do this alone.

steps.

2007-01-24T01:29:00.000+08:00

the queen of hearts and conqueror of none.
have a nice day.
fuck off and die.

Enigma

2007-01-23T03:44:00.000+08:00

"I love you, I'll kill you"
"Love and hate are one"

Return to innocence.
Don't you all hate these cryptic posts?
:D

brazil!

2007-01-22T02:06:00.000+08:00

hahahahaha.
my brazilian wax was VERY PAINFUL TODAY.
did smthg fucking stupid today anyways,
but ya.
holland v
i havent slept in more than a day.
had alcohol AGAINA.
with marzie dalting of cuz.

im just slightly drunk dont mind me.
fuckf uckf cufkc.
i need to have physical rlations.
i dunno what i want.
and i am soo gonnna be a drunkard this yr.
haha.
i am so fucked.
but i havehad my brazilian wax.....
s im ready.
SOMEONE CALL ME OUT FOR DRINKING ON A SATURDAY PLS.
:CFC

eggs.

2007-01-21T04:14:00.000+08:00

K I really need salmon sashimi.
:(

Oh I fried 6 eggs just now for supper, trying to fry my perfect fried egg; which is the yolk unbroken, and still watery, but has attained a thick consistency, and both sides of the egg must be slightly browned, and yet not too oily.

ALL THE SIX YOLKS BROKE.
KNN......
Never had to eat so many eggs while pissed in my entire life...
Not to mention; I added dark soy sauce, and in my pissyness I added too fucking much, and because dark soy sauce has a slightly bitter aftertaste(you inferior people can't taste it), I ended up eating six unsatisfactory eggs with bitter and salty tastebuds pinging the hell out of me.

Those of you who have actually seen me eat sashimi and are smart/observant enough to see, I actually eat each piece of salmon with one 3 drops of NORMAL soy sauce max.
So yeah.

That's like 20 eggs this week already.
Who cares about cholesterol?
I eat 20 eggs a week, don't exercise, eat even more unhealthy food, eat very little vegetables.
Yeah.
Who said the Americans were unhealthy and overweight?
Fat young Asian teenagers are worse off.

Gaaaaaaaah.
Fuck off and die.
Later!

PS: Someone donate me a NORMAL body clock. I fucking need to stop being awake at these hours.

waxes.

2007-01-20T01:19:00.000+08:00

I feel so liberated.
Time to celebrate!
Sorry Eliza!!

I looked down.
And suddenly felt the urge to tear all of it away.
I'm going for a Brazilian wax soon.
Soon.
:)

Anneliese Michel.

2007-01-19T06:08:00.000+08:00

K.
My heart is pounding like mad after listening to recordings of exorcisms; had this sudden urge to find out more about exorcisms after watching The Exorcism of Emily Rose on HBO.
So it was a German girl; Anneliese Michel.
I know I say I don't believe in ghosts, demons, and God, and this is such a huge contradiction, but I am so freaked out; I had to think about something else.

I once read an article in Time, and it was regarding men, and homosexuality, and gang rape.
You know those men who rape one girl and share them?
Yeah those men.
Horrid right?
The mentality behind it is to show their friends how "supreme" they are sexually, and also in denial of their homosexual side.
This said, they take part in it, not because of the girl, but because they want to prove how straight they are, and to "show off" to their friends.

What is my point?
My point is that everyone is bisexual; no matter how they deny it vehemently(you homophobes).
Like come on, have you not felt attracted to a member of the opposite/same sex BEFORE?
This is directed to (assumed) straight AND gay people.
Sexuality, sociology, psychology interest me so much.
I realized I might even want to do sociology in uni.
We'll see.
K nights!
It' 615 am now.
Wtf.
Later!

By the way, these are the links for Apocalypto.
So tiresome watching it on a small screen; who wants to watch it on the big screen with me?
http://simplisticsmovielinks.blogspot.com/2006/12/apocalypto.html

IPOD AHAHAHAHAHAH

2007-01-17T02:44:00.000+08:00

Today...................................
Or rather, yesterday, I had a very fruitful day!
I woke up at 3pm; talked to Eliza, met Mom, had shark's fin, had crab, and BNJ's, bought 6 books, bought my iPod nano4 gig in pink(of all colors don't ask me why please).
Places went: Thai village, VVC

Woo.
Because Mom gave me budget of 350 for my mp3 player, I couldn't get the one I HAD.
:(
So never mind, I shall downgrade and get something 56 GIGABYTES less than what I used to have.

Later!!!!!!

HAILEY MY BABY!

2007-01-14T21:49:00.000+08:00

Okay...
I just chose my sister's name.
IT'S HAILEY.
Pronounced as HAY-LEE.
:D
Gosh!
Such a beautiful name for a beautiful baby!
I know I buay paiseh lah!
BUt I really think my baby is the most chio baby of all the babies ever!
HAHAHAHA.
Btw; EVERYONE says she fucking looks like me.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA.
Her eyes.

I am quite happy.
I shall quit work soon!
Solli Eliza!
Hahahahahahahahhaaha.

She ain't heavy, she's my sister.

2007-01-13T10:40:00.000+08:00

Had a really bad day yesterday; must be my stupid Armani Xchg tee.
:@

K.
The sister is soooooooooooooooooooooooooo cute.
:D

the rebel.

2007-01-11T02:32:00.000+08:00

I know I've changed a whole lot.
Some days I dress like a whore, and other days, the-girl-next-door, and the then the cycle goes on from emo to normal sunshine girl, etc etc.
I remember my mother saying last year, when we first met, was that I've become such a rebel.
I think I agree partially.
I've done everything that my father has disallowed me from doing.
I've developed the attitude that everyone like teachers hate.
I've become the cynical, jaded, sexually fluid rebel.
On the days when I wear jeans and a white tee, I think it changes me to an entirely different person.
I used to have a purpose; I used to be silent.
Now I scream, and go wherever the wind blows.

People ask me what I look for in a guy/~~girl~~.
I look for love, chemistry, a love for Japanese food, and a tolerance, and a presence.
I've become this person who writes mundane entries about her day and squeal about nothing in particular.
Oh wait.
I'm just sinking into the bizarreness of normality.
What is normality really?
It's really just CONFORMITY.
Really.
You may think I'm trying to sound cheem here, but hell no.
Think about it; you'll find it makes sense, if you have a brain.
If you don't have one, then let ME, your EMPEROR do the thinking for you.
And I sense the old me coming back.

Intense and cryptic.
Simplicity is over-rated.

gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

2007-01-10T05:51:00.000+08:00

Work is fucking fucking boring.
Because I recently lost my phone, I only have like a few people to message.
OMG.
I'm soooooo bored working.
Mom says she'll buy me a new iPod if I hang on for a week.
It's the only thing that motivates me.
(:

My new sister is out!
Fat chubby cheeks!
Face is too red, and her features aren't really visible now; and she still refuses to open her eyes when she is awake.
I shall attempt to carry her soon.
SO EXCITED OMG!
I love babies!
When she's older I can nibble her cheeks.............
HEEHEE.
:D

buttcheeks.

2007-01-07T22:16:00.000+08:00

I'm starting work tomorrow at buttcheeks; heeren.
Never worked before, and let's see how long I last.
Baby's gonna be born tomorrow.
I love you kid!

I have a new apartment to stay in, or we might sell it to earn.
Seesee lah hor.
Or for the record, I am interested in GUYS now.
As for girls.....
I'm just checking people out.
DON'T MISUNDERSTAND ME CAN?
SEE OTHER GIRLS WON'T DIE ONE OK.
But I'm just.................
disappointed.
:)

DAS MODELL.

2007-01-07T14:50:00.000+08:00

Sie ist ein Modell und sie sieht gut aus ich nehm sie heut gerne mit zu mir nach Haus sie wirkt so kuehl an sie kommt niemand ran doch vor der Kamera da zeigt sie was sie kann Sie trinkt in Nachtclubs immer Sekt korrekt und hat hier schon alle Maenner abgecheckt Im Scheinwerferlicht ihr junges Laecheln strahlt sie sieht gut aus und Schoenheit wird bezahlt (ja) Sie stellt sich zur Schau fuer das Konsumprodukt und wird von millionen Augen angeguckt ihr neues Titelbild ist einfach fabelhaft ich muss sie wiedersehen ich glaube sie hats geschafft

I am tempted to get this entire entry translated in German, but nobody would bother reading.
:(
I know.
K I went out on Saturday with Maine, then dragged her along to see Munyue, then went to meet marzie and her friend with Maine, and dragged Munyue along.
And I can safely say I got the hots for.................................
You know it fuck it. Or maybe you are plain stupid yah? Yeah. So I give up.
(:
:)

WTFFFFFFFFF

2007-01-06T09:48:00.000+08:00

WTF!!!!!!

Genghis Khunt
Random Brutal Sex Master (RBSMf)

We almost called you Brutus the Uterus and attached this picture:

But we figured you wouldn't understand, and rightly so. We don't understand either. So you are Genghis Khunt: master of man, bringer of pain--riding your way to conquest after conquest.

Your sexual avarice is legendary. You've already had an unusually high amount of experience, and, still you look for more. You intimidate many. You make no apologies.

Your exact opposite:
The Sonnet

Deliberate Gentle Love Dreamer

Personality-wise, you're carefree and relatively easy-going. You don't plan things out ahead of time; you tend to live in the moment. Of course, this can cause some damage when the moment happens to include a screaming orgasm with his younger brother. Hence the 'brutal' tag we've given you.

But you know what, take five seconds to lock the doors, and you'll be fine. There's nothing wrong with a little sex, or a whole lot.

AVOID: The Slow Dancer
CONSIDER: The 5-Night Stand, The Hornivore, The Playboy

Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating.
My profile name: misschief89

Touristy.

2007-01-06T07:36:00.000+08:00

Today was fun; with Ad, and all.
Pictures and all.
Retarded I know; I don't really care.
:)
One of the rare days when I'm not in white/black/navy/red; pick any two.
And on retrospect; I think I shall throw that top out.
After that was meeting Mummy, and we went to eat porridge; then shopped a little.
Black Topshop blouse: 43
Black MNG skinny jeans: 99
Black FOX 3/4s: 34

BRACES SUCK CUNT!

2007-01-05T06:59:00.000+08:00

Got my braces tightened, and I got a "special" today.
Fuck.
Extra wires and rubber bands to tie my teeth to hurt even more.
Now I'm secretly angry with my Dad for giving me lousy dental alignment.

Facial was a bitch too.

Bought my camera; and bought some costume jewelry.
Went out 600+ in the wallet, and came back with ten dollars inside.
Mummy, you know what to do.
=)
(=
=)
(=
Swee anot - my new camera.
:D

Sister's coming out on MONDAY!
OMFG.
I can't wait.

2007

2007-01-01T19:43:00.000+08:00

It's 2007 already; and I am fucking shocked.
Movie was better than I expected; and those MTV MOMENT NUMBERS.
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA.
K.
I promise to start swimming and going to the gym downstairs when my belly piercing has healed.
Maybe next year my New Year celebrations will be way happier.
:)
I'm turning 18 in ten months; and this is so weird, like I've dreamt of being this close to everything before.
Déjà vu.
Woo.
HAPPY FUCKING NEW YEAR PEOPLE!
:D
Thanks for all the smses and tags and emails and whatever.
:)

HAPPY NEW YEAR.

2006-12-31T18:14:00.000+08:00

Happy new year everyone!
It is this time of the year where I truly reflect over this year.
This year has been a whole lot of firsts; been cheated on, loved a lot, discovery and coming out of the closet, making the decision to change and quit POLYTECHNIC, found my mother, and the celibate thing.

I've grown up a lot this year, and I hope you guys have had a great year. I don't know why the fuck am I tearing as I type this, but 2006 is ending soon, and before I go out and have fun with friends, I want to be alone, with this blog. This blog; I feel, is my greatest achievement this year, as nonsensical as it may be; it found me new friends, and most importantly, my MOTHER.

I'm throwing this year's bitterness, and embracing a new year. Hopefully each year will be better than it already has been.
I feel uber uber uber grateful to my friends, who've taken all the shit I've thrown at them; and taking me for who I am; the whiny child-like me, the sullen bitch, and who knows what other personas I have.

My baby sister is coming out in 9 days; and as much as her birth implicates lesser financial potential next time for me, I have to say I'M WAITING FOR YOU DARLING!
I can't wait to hear the patter of your feet; and I can't wait to be scolded for splurging on a two hundred dollar dress on your first birthday, and mind you, you better return me that dress for my daughter next time, OKAY?
I love you baby, I love you already, even though you might read this like fifteen years later.
I'm going to be a good sister, student, daughter, maybe even girlfriend, in 2007!
That's the end of this year for me.
I hope you guys have a good celebration.
LOVE YOU ALL.
MUACK MUACK MUACK.

Hugs and kisses,
QIQI
<333333333333333333333

OH BTW, I LOST MY PHONE, SO DON'T BE OFFENDED WHEN YOU SMS ME AND I ASK YOU WHO ARE YOU OK?
<33333333

woo

2006-12-30T17:50:00.000+08:00

I'm sorry about how I behaved last night people.
But NO, I don't really wanna know how I made myself look so stupid; and NO, luckily I didn't drag anyone to bed.
Thanks everyone, you rock.
And I won't drink in the near future.
:D

drunnnnnnnk

2006-12-30T02:25:00.000+08:00

I am so emo now.
i fucking cannot rememvbber anything that happened at the party.
thank u willy jijeie for sending me homee.
me vomited.
first step to bulimia.
me lost me fone.
have to call mummy later to get a new oneeee.
i miss...................................................
solly maine.
me cannot wake up later to go watch movie with you.
i am so fucking wasted.
and my eyes are sohspo bloodshot.

fallen angel.

I NEED SOMEONE HAPPY IN MY LIFW.
TPO BRING ME TO SASHIMI.
TO BRING ME GREEN TEA ICE CREAM.
TO BRING ME EBI TEMPURA.
TO HOLD MY HAND.
TO HUG ME.
U FUCKERS.
ALL LIARS.
:(
li

:(
SIGH SIGH SIGFHG
I HATE TO ADMIT.
BUT I NEED SOMEONE.
YET IM NOT DESPERATE,.
SHEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSH./\

KISS KISS KISSS KISSS KISS.
HEEHEE.
HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA.

One picture why high heels should never be worn.

2006-12-28T19:48:00.000+08:00

I deleted my gender equality post; I don't wanna ruffle any feathers; and I am supposed to keep to my image of being nice and dumb.
:)
And one picture why I won't wear a certain pair of heels again.
:)

2006-12-27T00:08:00.000+08:00

Oh my.
I'm easy to seduce.
Hmmm.
Feeling damn detached now; back from Mr Tan's funeral.
I feel damn bad he passed away due to lung cancer; I gave him two pack of cigs for one of the Teacher's Days; damn.
Rest in peace Mr Tan; we all love you.

Xmas.

2006-12-26T00:15:00.000+08:00

Spent it with Mommy and her bf.
We went to Mt Faber, and before that I ate tonnes of food.
Then to Vivo City for coffee.
Weirong called and said they were in town, and I went town about 12 am; and reached home about 8am!
LOL.

K I'm in my worst of moods right now, and some asshole called Stooky is such a cheebye.
Considering I don't even know him.
NICE ONE STOOKY!
NICE XMAS PREZZIE FOR SOMEONE YOU'VE NEVER MET!

I wanted to post the lousy pictures taken with my phone, but forget it.
Just ONE.
And not of me.
STOP SMOKING YOU PEOPLE!

:D

2006-12-23T20:40:00.000+08:00

Heehee.
Belly's pierced; and I wanna shower so badly, but I have to wash my piercing with some whatever before I shower and I'm afraid to touch it.
:(
Mommy held my hand when I pierced; I'm such a scaredy cat.
Heehee.
Got my specs today too.
:D
YEAH YEAH YEAH.
SINGLE AND HAPPY!
:D

belly pierced!

2006-12-23T20:30:00.000+08:00

Nails done!
Belly pierced!
:D

2006-12-22T19:50:00.000+08:00

This week.
Heels 59.90
Mango sheer lace top 49
Mango pants 49
Zara skirt 75
Mango jacket 36

By the way; that's Munyue; looking hot as usual, and she looks hell better in person.
She's just a good friend, and I really am not interested in females anymore; that Taiwanese girl killed all interest in females already.
:(

This week is so hilarious. Cab drivers giving me 50% discounts on fare because he THINKS I am pretty.
Insanity.
Yet depressing.

Why do you act so stupid?

You know that I'm always right.

It looks like an early winter for us.

2006-12-19T07:46:00.000+08:00

After what happened last night, I will NEVER log into Fridae again; if I can help it.
Yeah, hot chicks hook me up, yeah.
But this is getting nowhere, and yeah, I see goodies 5 minutes after I add her on MSN, and one hour of heat later, I still don't know her name, and I have to copy every single line she says for friends to translate.

Anyways it's made me realize how fickle(it's an understatement) some girls are.
In the end, no matter how much we complain about the differences between men and women, we're all the same, damn it.
Just as promiscuous, cheap, low-down, materialistic, and as heartless as each other.

So I'm free for the New Year, having rejected two dates.
So yeah, if you have the guts to go on a reverse bungee ride, you know what to do.
lol.

I find it ironic how everyone's turning bi these days.
Homosexuality in secondary was a shock, and everyone used homosexuality as a joke, and now virtually everyone I know is telling me they are turning bi.
This is really weird; and I remember munyue was so shocked when I told her I was bi/pomo.
I'm really pomo, but I say I'm bi because nobody knows what the hell's a pomosexual.
I'm still in shock.

So here I am, listening to mindless French music, and looking through the screenshots of what happened last night.
So hot, yes, so hot.
So tempting.
But thou shalt not fall into the trap of female fleshly lusts yet again.

I'm newly disappointed, and freshly hopeful again.
Heehee.
Later.

:D

2006-12-17T20:24:00.000+08:00

I've been a good girl today!
I didn't go shopping, and I just watched a movie with song.
Wanted to go to shooshoo's house; but it was raining so badly; and I wasn't that keen on seeing shooshoo.
(:

Took cab to town because I really had to; amidst the pouring rain and all.
THIRTEEN DOLLARS!
lol.
It's normally ten max; the authorities really make life a living, EXPENSIVE HELL.
Stupid!
I got lost at Cine, not surprising; since it's XMM AH LIAN wannabes' haven.
(:
Heehee.
Movie was okay; and why do they put such movies out every Xmas season?
And why do they waste so much money on air-conditioning and charge us more for it via the movie tickets?!
Sometimes the way things work here baffles me a lot.
Stupid sillypore.

And I TOOK A BUS HOME!
:D
But there were Ah Bengs and ..... :(

WOO.
NEW YEAR'S COMING.
HOW ARE YOU GUYS SPENDING IT?
I NEED IDEAS!

Or I could just go drinking or whatever with marzie.
=P
byebye.
I will go take a short nap.
(:

AGAIN!

2006-12-16T18:51:00.000+08:00

Today:
Two Armani Exchange tees: 142$
One pair of no-brand jeans: 49.9$
One pair of spectacles: 250$
One no-brand embroidered singlet: 25$

I am NUTS about white tees these days!
OMG!
I just love the simplicity of white tees and jeans alone.
Not slutty; not sophisticated; just me, and myself.
Gosh; taxi fares and waiting lines are killing me.
Sometimes I actually feel like taking the bus.
(:
Have a nice day!
I am so so so so so so hyper!
:D

Randomities.

2006-12-15T06:16:00.000+08:00

A more random selection of crappy photos.
AND, don't email me to tell me I look like a tranny or what okay.
I don't give a shit.
:D

yayayayayaya.

2006-12-15T06:06:00.000+08:00

I look like crap; I KNOW LAH!
:D
The shirt is fucking expensive though.
:(
I don't seem to have any nice pictures these days.

Now playing: U started it - Gwen Stefani

OMFG

2006-12-14T10:35:00.000+08:00

I am so so so so so so so fucked.
A botched manicure and pedicure.
OMG.
I need to have an express mani/pedi; and I'm meeting Ad for lunch and shopping!
HOW DO I FACE THE WORLD WITH RIDICULOUSLY SHORT NAILS WITH TRACES OF RED, GOLD, AND WHITE ON THEM?
Fuckity fuck.

up, up, up, and away.

2006-12-13T21:46:00.000+08:00

I think the old me is back.
On an Xmas high...........
:D
I feel damn funny leah.
I might even get around to swimming in the pool downstairs after like 2 months since I moved in here?
teeheehee.
Lazy to PS; retarded as usual.
:)

next stop: purple.

2006-12-13T00:13:00.000+08:00

another haul

2006-12-12T01:19:00.000+08:00

Flesh imp bag 59.9
Ralph Lauren Polo tee 232
Fourskin purse 12.9
Fourskin belt 29.9
Cab ride 5.1

AND TWO HOURS!

WALAO EH.

SHOPPING!

2006-12-11T05:39:00.000+08:00

Sunday's haul.
Bebe singlet 99
DKNY watch 275
Topshop tee 49
Bimbotic book 51.45
That's all.
Quite tame today.
BUT BUT BUT.
Mama gave me.....
MUAHAHAHHAHAHAA.
Cannot say.
=x

How did it come to this.

2006-12-09T17:50:00.000+08:00

Violated.

Numb.

Disappointed.

Disgusted.

Exes should all be shot, for all their heartlessness and lusty intentions.

Or maybe just the male ones.

EMOness

2006-12-07T20:08:00.000+08:00

The long road between addiction to being depressed and being "normal" by society's standards.
I edited/deleted some of the emo posts of recent; the old emo posts should be left for my reading pleasure.
(;
I was thinking about this blog, and it occured to me how all my skins are similar; all-black, with dashes of color, except for those few month, where I was my poster child, and my face was on my blog, and scared everyone shitless.

So from now on, coldnights.blogspot.com will be a pseudo/trying to be happy blog.
All the crap will be redirected to livejournal.

SO YEAH!
XMAS IS COMING!
:D
This weekend will be busy!
Have a nice day people!
:D

PSEUDO C CUPS!

2006-12-06T18:16:00.000+08:00

HAHAHAHA!
I am uber, uber happy.
Went shopping and bought two tops, and two bras; Triumph maximisers(I don't see any maximisation though).
And I fit into a 70C!
:O
:O
O:
O:
70C=B75 though.
:(
Just a playing around of the cups and numbers.
But nevertheless, the gold/black bra set looks so delightful I spent half an hour wearing my them, and admiring the bra itself.
I took pictures, but I cant post them since people read this blog(YOU MOFOS), and it would be pretty inappropriate.

Before that though, I dragged Alan to eat at Sakura with me.
SAKURA SUCKS.
We ate at the Toa Payoh branch, so lousy.
I MIGHT eat at the Orchard branch to see if the entire chain really sucks.
Going out with Mummy on Sunday; can't wait!
Haven't seen her for more than a week!
:D
Till then.............
HUGS AND KISSES.
<333333

2006-12-06T09:48:00.000+08:00

Candlelight and soul forever
Dream of you and me together
Say you believe it say you believe it
Free your mind of doubt and danger
be for real don't be a stranger
We can achieve it we can achieve it
Come a little bit closer baby get it on get it on
'cause tonight is the night when 2 become 1

...

Any deal that we endeavor
boys and girls feel good together
Take it or leave it, take it or leave it
Are you as good as I remember baby? Get it on, Get it on
'cause tonight, is the night,when 2 become 1

...

Don't listening to sweet songs by the SPICE GIRLS make you happy and put faith in certain people again.
(:
:)
(:
:)
(:
:)

I want to go Sakura~

AND HOW DO TWITS FIND MY BLOG HAR?
THIS IS FUCKING WEIRD.
I HAVE WEIRD PEOPLE ADDING ME, PLEASE MAKE SURE YOU CAN EVEN TYPE LIKE PROPER ENGLISH HERE; A LITTLE STOP-AND-SEE PLEASE.
Thank you.=)

heehee.

2006-12-02T03:01:00.000+08:00

Okay.
My new fave phrase is HEEHEE.
And I just got my Firefox browser updated.
AND THE THEME CHANGED!

So nice right!
Click on it for bigger images.
EVERYONE, PLEASE CHANGE YOUR FIREFOX THEME TO THIS!
:D

So here I am, switching my lappie on for the nth time today, and I can't sleep.
I'm fucking bored, and I need someone to drag out for prata later.
:(
Or maybe I can visit Mummy.
And I am listening to Mariah Carey.

Thirteen things I need this Xmas:
1) iPOD
2) More clothes
3) COACH bag
4) A cuddly hug
5) tonnes of sashimi and oysters
6) A new laptop
7) a casio exilim
8) A black DKNY watch
9) a dinner with Mummy
10) a tickle
11) ALDO heels(HEEHEE)
12) a CREDIT CARD
13) a black FCUK/STUSSY black cardigan

WEE~

2006-12-01T05:28:00.000+08:00

Sitex was disappointing man.
So small!
And so little stalls! WTF.
Comex 2006 and was so much fucking better.
I need an iPOD, and a casio exilim z60.
:(

I feel like eating pizza.
=P

Okay, so I bought a Fujitsu laptop for Dad, and a 100gig ext hdd; mini edition.

Then we went to Marriot for buffet.
HAHAHAHAHAHA.
Marriot's standard HAS gone down.
I think even four-star hotels like Trader's hotel can do better.

Here I am, sitting here at 530 am, listening to Spice Girls songs; yes I know.
Sigh.

I have a backload of SMSes ad missed calls like since one month ago.
Ah fuck it.
What is it with people who call me while I'm sleeping?
FUCK YOU, I dont give a shit whoever you are, or how nice you are, just LEAVE ME BE.
And what is it with people who do the "how-are-you" shit?

I am fine thank you, unless you wish me ill; in which case, it doesn't fucking surprise me.
I would prefer if you came online thanks, I type waaay faster with a keyboard, as opposed to my secondary school days, where I could type an SMS bloody fast under the table, without even looking at the bloody keypad, and where I typed at the keyboard with two fingers.
:S

TAKE IT, or leave it~
:D

Retarded as usual, and yes, that's how I look at home.
:(

Diving headfirst.

2006-11-29T03:38:00.000+08:00

(:
Am too lazy to photoshop zits and all away.... So yeah.

Breakfast

2006-11-27T08:29:00.000+08:00

I actually am fucking sleepy right now, and I have just eaten the first breakfast in like a damn long time.
Ordered my maid to fry two sausages and one egg, sunny side up, with the yolk damn runny.
Unfortunately the yolk broke, which isn't surprising considering I ate it with a fork, and I licked the bloody plate clean. Who cares about table manners at home man? I am barbaric at home, and prim and proper with nice table etiquette outside.

Eating food cooked by my maid makes me wanna eat Mummy's food man, THE FOOD AT HOME IS LOUSY!

And why am I up? To book the stupid pit for Hershey Harshil on Sunday once the fucking office opens.
Think I will go down in my PJs.

I realised I have become even dumber, when I flipped open my Amath textbook and couldn't understand binomial theorem, which is like the easiest topic ever in the textbook.
Die lah.

November's coming to an end. What a sweet November. Not. Pftttttttt.

hahahahhahahahaha.
I had a super entertaining read just now for like an hour.
Too bad I can't share the url with you people; because I swore that I'd be raped by 10 bangalas if I ever told anyone the url or whatever.
I shall keep my promise, because to be raped by ten bangalas, is the worse fate I could ever suffer, except for being more hideous than I already am.
I wonder if if I share the url with two people, then it'd be TWENTY BANGALAS.
Omfg.
The thought of it just wakes me up.
YUCKS.

back.

2006-11-26T03:58:00.000+08:00

The emo times again. I'm not supposed to be emo and all manic-depressive now you know. My menstrual cycle says I'm supposed to be happy and horny now. Too bad, my menstrual cycle is pretty accurate, and the "supposeds" are a far cry from what they should be.

Am back.
The old me.
The manic-depressive self with low self-esteem and suicidal tendencies.
This month has been good and then really, REALLY bad.
Like I started on a high, and the only way you can go is low.
I lost my iPOD video, and I wanna buy a new APPLE mp3 player, but I have other things to buy like external hard disks and all.

So here I am, whining about my lousy self today, listening to music that only serves to entrench myself further in this abyss of self-induced misery.
And me acting all cheery on MSN.
The smiles that stupid Youtube videos bring me only last for a minute.

I need more black clothes.
And definitely a new pair of Birkenstocks, in BLACK; my white ones fucking don't match everything.
Sigh.
Maybe December will be better.

Stronger.

2006-11-23T15:48:00.000+08:00

Stronger than yesterday
Now it’s nothing but a mile away.
(:
:)

Teaching a maid isn't easy.
When I'm in the bloody supermarket pointing and gesticulating wildly, people look at me weirdly.

The baby clothes were all washed today.
Looking at baby clothes bring to me an indescribable joy; the anticipation of the patter of little feet, of her begging for a sip of your cold drink, her cries of joy when you come home, her sobbing when she falls down, the smile on her face when she sleeps.
Oh the joy of watching someone grow up.

peekturesssssssssssssssssss

2006-11-19T21:00:00.000+08:00

Isn't this kid the veriest angel on Earth? I swear, Vietnamese-Chinese kids are soooooooooo cute.
He looks much better in person, and very androgynous, and has the most gorgeous eyes ever.
So much so that I thought he was a girl when I first saw him..
He's flying back this Thursday.
:(

The uncle you haven't seen in more than a decade looks older, and much more weathered.
And anyway, pictures of the cutest kid in my life, and random pictures of me, yeah.

addictive.

2006-11-17T23:39:00.000+08:00

Addiction, is when I play some lame game for 15 hours non-stop; with only toilet breaks and one meal in between.

Concentration, is when I stare intently at the screen, my fingers on the arrow keys, furiously moving.

Irritation, is when I see some unimportant people talk to me in MSN, when my status is flagged BUSY, and I am in the midst of a battle(game).

Distance, is when I feel like a stranger to some of my friends.

Disappointment, is when I don't hear the phone beep.

Elation, is when the showerhead showers your body with warm trickling water.

Frustration, is when the fibres from the squid sashimi 2 days ago, remain stubbornly entangled in the "hooks" at the back of the braces.

For sale.

2006-11-15T12:40:00.000+08:00

Apparently someone on Friendster has been posting bulletins about me, saying I am selling myself.
WOULD I NEED TO SELL MYSELF?
My father drives a 200 thousand dollar car, owns a few properties in SG and China; and my mother drives a car too, and has her own 5 room HDB flat.
Why the fuck would I need to sell myself?
When my parents can feed me more than adequately.
Unless you can offer 5 MILLION USD per second of my time, please fuck off and die.
Oh well.
Am going to town.
(:
Having JAP; YET AGAIN.
Wee.
Tata~

Could it be any harder.

2006-11-15T01:37:00.000+08:00

Gst(VAT) is going to be increased by 2% yet AGAIN.
Frankly, I'm pretty much neutral about it; just feeling indignant for the reason the government gives for the increase.
The reason is to close the gap between the poor and the rich.
WHAT CRAP IS THAT?
I may be a 17 year old who bums around everyday with nary of the prestigious degrees and all, but even I know that this reason is so fucking invalid.
Whatever happened to tiered tax?
Whatever happened to our reserves?
OUR 100 MILLION DOLLAR RESERVES.

Actually, the 2% increase does nothing to me, because I get pocket money from parents and it just means that I pay a little more during shopping.
My problem is the increasing amount of money that goes into THEIR pockets.
Another reason to migrate.
And yet another reason to know that next election, the 66.6 percent will go even lower.
Let's pray hard the opposition fields better candidates next time.
(:

Where.

2006-11-14T05:56:00.000+08:00

Now, now, smartasses.
Guess where this picture was taken, etc in a cupboard etc etc.
(:
Tell me on MSN or tag.
Sorry lah.
Me been bored lately.
(:

Went shopping.
3 tops.
Woo.
Cab fare is SO EXPENSIVE THESE DAYS!
TMD!

Saturday.

2006-11-12T06:39:00.000+08:00

Saturday.
This has to be the weirdest Saturday ever.
I didn't sleep the whole night, and went to the mortuary to accompany Mama and the other relatives to collect Ah Ma's body.
Before the collection, after all the procedures were done, we were standing outside, and some other body was being collected.

Have you ever had a waft of how a dead body smells like?
It smells like dead fish in a canal, mixed with very bad foot odor, and left to rot for a while.
I couldn't take the smell and ran off with Mama, because I gagged a couple of times.
I don't know why, but I gag very easily at bad smells, because I am obviously not used to them.
Met cousins I used to play with when I was younger, but I can hardly remember them.
Janet jiejie gave me a pair of mphosis heels.
(:

The wake.....
Did the usual Buddhist rites.
It feels damn weird to see someone for the first time in 13 years, and she is dead.
One day late.
Yes.
The value of one day.
Hits me hard.
Was supposed to meet Song after that but cancelled.
Too bloody tired.
Janet jiejie sent me home at 6pm, and I slept in the car.
Goodness me, I normally don't sleep outside unless I have a nice broad shoulder to lean on or there is a flat surface for my head to lean on.
Slept in the lift standing up, and went to bed straight, without even removing makeup or contact lenses.
Woke at 6am.

Can't wait for Monday.
Will be meeting uncle flying in from NYC for the funeral.
(:
Think I will go shopping soon, it's been a looooooooooooooooooooong week.

WOOT.
I AM ON STRAIGHT'S(YES I KNOW) TIMES WEBTHREADS.
"Brace yourself

NEED braces for your teeth? pierre^^ is thinking about getting dental students to do it because it's cheaper.

But Oasisblue writes: 'I don't feel safe to get braces done by students. I'd rather pay more.'

huiz says these students are in effect looking for 'guinea pigs' but adds: 'They are guided by their professors during the braces treatment.'

However, missqi feels there's no real need for braces, particularly if money is a problem. She writes: 'Pardon me for being blunt. But are braces really a need? Without braces you will die, is it?'

www.sgforums.com"
(:

):

2006-11-10T20:27:00.000+08:00

This marks the most dramatic week of my life.
Fate makes sport of us all.
When you want to see your maternal grandmother tomorrow morning, because you haven't seen her for more than a decade, she passes away today.
One day I shall write a book about my life story.
I'm sure it will sell well; it being a true story and all, with complication in every page.
Divorce, multiple wives, money complicates things, extended families, violent temperaments, homosexuality, sex, lies, love, and cruel twists of fate.
Fate.
One word changes how we see things.
I am only 17.
There is only so much I can take.
This emotional rollercoaster ride is killing me.
Ah Ma, rest in peace.
I love you too.

Ahead.

2006-11-09T23:32:00.000+08:00

K.
It's been a damn long week.
Tears, and more tears.
Finally am smiling.
Ask me on MSN please.
Don't want to publicize it.
This is the happiest week of my life.

PS: I think I was a gorgeous baby! Don't know what happened along the way........And why I'm not gorgeous now. Muahahahahahahahhahahahaha.

Tears of joy are brimming, and the warm embrace you've thought about for a decade, and thought you'd never have, comes, finally.
So glad.
Nothing comes this close.

YOYO,
(:

Mutter.

2006-11-08T23:18:00.000+08:00

Feels weird smsing your mother, when her English is twice as bad as Olala's.
Feels even weirder when she tells you not to use "badworth", etc "fuck fuck fuck".
Feels weirdest when she tells you what she used to call you as a child, apparently she used to call me "yoyo".
Feels uber super ultra weird when she says "miss you allway".
Feels undeniably weird when your mother refers to your father in smses as "mr heng".
I saved her number in my phone book as "No Name".
The day I change it Mama, or Mom, or whatever I used to call her, will be the day I forgive and accept her truly.
Will that day ever come?
I wonder too.

FUCKING MUTTER

2006-11-07T22:40:00.000+08:00

"fuck you. what kind of mother are you. 13 long years. you should have aborted me."
My mother.
Tsktsk.
Why do I have this kind of mother?
Don't blame me for sending this kind of smses.

Another msg.
I sent in Chinese.
"dont know what i did when i was a kid to make u angry.but u r my mother nonetheless.i hate you,but u cannot blame me.i am only the daughter u abandoned 13 yrs ago.good night"

13 years.

2006-11-07T05:28:00.000+08:00

The internal struggle is killing me.
Extorted her office' address from that guy.
What do you say to your long-lost mother?
Should you be angry?
Disappointed?
Overjoyed?
How do you say "I'm the daughter you abandoned?".
Or do I even go to her and say hi?
When I was young, did I call her "mama" or "mommy"?
I forgot.
How do I know which of the numerous women is she?
How do you accept someone who caused you so much pain and that void in your heart?
How do you say "bye"?
Should I put on my facade and be my sarcastic, cold persona, or do I breakdown and cry?
I realised, that my mother is a stranger to me.
And her office is so near my place.
So near, yet so far.
The anguish, yes, the mental, emotional anguish that took its toll on my mental health.
I know, I know.

Mutter.

2006-11-06T20:31:00.000+08:00

Okay, got my braces tightened, bought 3 tops, gstring, mascara, hair accessories, accessories.
=]]
The gums hurt like a bitch now.

SebastiaN wrote:
> Can we chat over MSN? My mother's friend, named Cindy Tan, was seperated from her daughter when her daughter was only 4. She has the similiar name as you, Heng Qi Bi and i wonder is it you. I dare not confirm that you are her daughter. Please add me at zaxasxxaxaXx@haxaamail.com so that we can discuss this further.
>
> ' ' '-qi wrote:
> > yes.
> > is there a problem?
> > SebastiaN wrote:
> > > are you miss Heng Qi Bi?

Got this Friendster msg.
Insanity.
I can only hope this is not a scam to bluff money.
"pay xxxx$ if you want to see her etc etc etc"
Ah well.
See ya.

pi.

2006-11-05T01:56:00.000+08:00

Broke a plate.
Am having braces tightened on Monday; the merest thought of it scares me shitless.
I feel weird without talking to...............................
:S
Paranoia frames every thought in my head.
Die lah.
Someone tell me I'm not fat please.
:(
I just bought 3 litres of milk, 2 litres of juice, 2 pints of cookies and cream ice cream, and another box of mint and tiramisu mini-cornettos.
brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Fat fat fat.
Nobody likes fat girls.
):
:(
):

Pffffffft.

2006-11-01T23:03:00.000+08:00

It's not fair, it's not fair, and don't leave me here.
How's this happening to me? It feels so lonely here.

4 years ago.

2006-10-31T23:17:00.000+08:00

4 bloody years ago, at 7 am, I got molested by an old man on the way to school.
For all the bloody Muslim clerics who said women who have been molested deserve it; FUCK YOU.
Wait till you get sodomised; and we'll see if you say you deserve it.
This world is a fucked up place.

Now we share the closet, now you've let me come inside.
And now you're finally undressing, and I feel like I might die.
The damage is infectious, the confession is too late.
And how can I accept this.
How is this happening to me.

When can I let someone inside my closet?

now and next on.

2006-10-29T16:57:00.000+08:00

I feel funny.
A silly grin, hidden by the darkness of my room.
I saw three wedding cars today.
I fell down at the don't-know-what market this morning.
Major clean-up of my MSN list.
(:
I AM crazy.
Just a different kind of crazy today.
(:

COME GET SOME.

Smiling to myself.

2006-10-28T09:35:00.000+08:00

Smiling to myself.
Spiderman is having me for dinner tonight!
:D
Guess which famous song did that phrase come from?
:D

Lift me up.

2006-10-27T08:02:00.000+08:00

Someone surprise me.
Life's getting reaaaaaaaaaaaaaally mundane.
(:
I miss piggybacks.
I miss sipping coffee as the rain pours down.
I miss huddling under the blankie with someone as the rain pours.
I wonder who I will spend this coming New Year with.
I'm starting to sound like I need a bf/gf.
Oh my my.
Someone exhort the benefits of being single to me again please.
(:
:)
(:
:)
(:
:)

2006-10-26T23:56:00.000+08:00

Singapore cable television provider fined US$6,400 for lesbian sex scenes
A Singapore cable television provider has been fined for airing lesbian sex and bondage scenes contained in an American reality TV show, Singapore's media regulator said in a statement on Tuesday. The cable television provider was fined S$10,000 (US$6,410).

The Media Development Authority (MDA) said the footage aired by StarHub Cable Vision (SCV) breached the “guidelines which disallow the promotion, justification and glamorisation of lesbian lifestyles and their explicit depictions,” in a statement on its website.

The show, "Cheaters," exposes ordinary people whom their partners suspect of having affairs. The episode concerned was aired during the period of 22 to 26 May 2006 and repeated on 29 August 2006.

The statement read: “It contained footages of a woman engaging in lesbian sex acts with another woman. While pixilation was used during the sex scenes, it was still obvious to viewers that the women were naked and engaging in unnatural sex acts. The programme also showed the woman tied to a bed in a bondage session with two other women. The visuals were deemed to be sexually suggestive and offensive to good taste and decency.”

StarHub's corporate communications manager Caitlin Fua told The Straits Times that her company was disappointed with the MDA's decision.

"Cheaters" has been aired in such countries as China, India and Indonesia “without any difficulty,” she was quoted as saying.

Homosexual acts are illegal in the conservative city-state under Section 377 of the Singapore Penal Code.

I just saw this bit of news; having been absent online for a while, since I have been confined to the bed and sofa.
:(
WTF is wrong with the system here?
The link to the "OFFENSIVE" scene is HERE.
Well, I am officially straight for now, because I am so pissed; but we shall not go there.
But LESBIAN SEX SCENES ARE DISALLOWED?!
WTF IS WRONG WITH SINGAPORE!
I SWEAR, I WANT TO MIGRATE TO THE STATES OR AUSTRALIA.
FUCKING TIGHT-ARSES.

:))

2006-10-26T09:18:00.000+08:00

Don't ask me why I'm smiling.
I don't know why, too.
:))

Weight loss.

2006-10-25T17:36:00.000+08:00

The bathroom scale read 46 on Tuesday, and 44 today.
Lighter, is better, I HOPE?
My tits have gone from B cup to A cup in one day.
Though I have never seen my tummy so flat before.
Very disappointing for boob-conscious me.
:(
Still an understatement; I must add.
When I haven't eaten anything for the past 1.5 days ; just a bit of water and green bean soup water.
:S
I would like to gross you out with pictures; but thought the better of it.
:D
Have a nice day!

:s

2006-10-25T03:10:00.000+08:00

Fever, chills, runs, nausea.
:s

Pseudo "lesbians".

2006-10-23T08:12:00.000+08:00

I have a major grudge against people who try to get to know me on Fridae.
Females or males; all the fucking same.
I ABHOR being lied to; when it is SO obvious you are not from RJC, not from NUS law, and not even female.
For fuck's sake, I can lie better.
Pseudo lesbians, pffffffffffft; pseudo FEMALES.
Makes me so darn pissed.
So PLEASE, GIRLS, if you do meet people on Fridae, please double-check.
And DON'T give in, even if they accuse you of not trusting them, and all those emotional blackmail crap.
REMEMBER that Friendster profiles can be faked, details can be obtained, photos(even nudes) can be obtained easily, and voices(phones) can be faked.

Remember my Friendster profile? It says 90% homosexual, 10% heterosexual.
For my anger's sake, I will not look at girls until I cool down.

NUS law school? My fucking rectum.

**Stand up, it's not your fault when he hurts you.**